1.5 years ago

its been 1.5years.
im sorry lovelylaurels for neglecting you. You were once too painful to bear. =)

Milestones have passed since then. i have overcame mountains and hills, and crossed oceans to who i am today. There may be somethings i may not be too proud of yet or have yet to achieve but I'm striving.. perhaps not hard enough.

Career - check
Family - check
Friends - check
Health - check
Mental health - check
Bank account health - negative
Further Education - TBC (To commence in 2011)
Love life - nul
Spiritual life - numb

after a run-down on the "important" things in life, I still feel that hole that needs to be bridged to God. Here i am trying to juggle everything in human terms but yet feel that gap that only God can fulfill. All the friends/spirits/activities would never be able to satisfy you.

God, where art thou?

its amazing, 1.5years ago I haven't even began the career i just left. Was God in play? i really hope so. Even though the "world" seems to smile with you thinking its your efforts, you somehow know that God was at play. Jaded people in the marketplace are atheists and are God delusional.

God, i don't want to be delusional from you. Work in my life. Give me the hunger. I want to constantly hear your comforting whisper.

You know it when it strikes you

You know it when u go to a place and you start to remember
You know it then that you are still young
It really wasn't the person you thought of
but the place that brought in the memory, be it funny or painful incidents
It's then that nostalgia hits you hard like a train wreck

Amazing Grace

Amazing Grace how sweet the sound
that saved a wretched like me
I once was lost, but now i'm found
Was blind but now I see

T'was Grace that helped my heart to fear
And Grace my fears relieved
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I 1st believed

My chains are gone
i've been set free
My God my Saviour has ransomed me
And like a flood, His mercy reigns
Forever Love, Amazing Grace









Thank you God for your Grace. Though I may not be perfect, I strive to be more like you everyday. Forgive me for I am weak. Forgive those that I have trespass as I forgive those that have trespass me. I know that you have a greater promise in store for me and I pray that you will help guide me and be stronger with each day.

Thank you for your love because I know that You will restore the years the locusts have eaten and I know that though it has been a hard labour for me, you have always been there watching and guiding me. If not for this, I would still be clay and I know that you are moulding me into your perfection. Forgive me for ever doubting you, for not trusting and for not letting go.
I am still not perfect and I need you to totally submerge me in your Love. because I am weak..













On another note, a great big hug for my dearests for really bearing with me. I know that it hasnt been easy or fun hanging out with me. I've been a total wet blankie. Sowwie.

Thank you Xan, Yii, Neille, Mary, Vonne, Mel, Leng, Polly, WL, Jon, Bin, Hoi and many others for walking hand in hand with me. I truly appreciate the time and your ears! =D


haha sorry la neille.. the window shopping tak jadi.. semua CMI ! hahah
but thanks for the sleepover and windowshopping with me the kind of clothes u wouldnt like to wear! haha





Non, rien de rien..
Non, je ne regrette de rien
parce que je sais que ma vie sera pour l'améliorer

That Sunday

That Sunday
Was one of those last days
Where I last truly felt gay
The sun streaming its rays
I hoped for that day to stay
Being with you filled my Sunday
However, its no longer that day
Today, its Sunday
and that Sunday ran throughout my day
It felt just like yesterday
How vividly I remember that Sunday

Wishful thinking

Your love has been really so much and your care is enormous. It never stops growing nor will it ever burst because it is too full. Thank you dear for you. Truly appreciate you! hugs!

Its ironic that I'm beginning to listen to song lyrics and even understanding them. Before, I would just sing along because it rhymed or think who in the world is so striken by heartbreak, love and heartbreak again. Isn't it ironic? Songs are outlets and expressions of how different people deal with their problems. There are those who let it out in anger, sadness, emotional songs, or those who just let go because.. they do.

One that stood out for me was this word:

Wishful thinking

Indeed.

No more for me.

Thanks Xan for your support.

=)

If u leave me now, you're gonna take the biggest part of me

Being above clouds is an amazing experience. It gives one the peace of heart as well as to admire God's creation. Thank you God.



On another note, I had a weird sensation being up in the clouds. Though this time, it was pitch dark without being able to see anything outside, except for the blinking of a red light.

As it trickled down upon my cheek, I was reminded of how long I have not grieved and started asking myself what was in my heart. Various thoughts and current events played in my mind, causing the trickles to become heavier. Maybe I haven dealt with it properly yet or that I keep hoping for things to get better, in my dreams.
I sincerely do not know what came upon me. Maybe it was the sweetness I encountered in front of me when she pecked him ever so lightly or the simplicity I witnessed of young teenage embracing.

Please don't take it too personally

i had an exhilarating day today even though i was dead tired.
thanks to some uncooked sausages and fish balls i stomached the night before at this BBQ, thinking that everything would be alright, I had the pain to wake up in the blackness of the night to the rumblings and thumblings of my stomach screaming to be let out. ok. it was 6am...

what an ungodly hour!!!!

i only slept at 3am and knowing that i had a full day ahead of me, i still slept so late. sigh. its life huh? i dont blame my pimples popping out to say hi and my eyebags collecting more dead bodies with every passing day.
the fact to wake up to a run to the toilet was so bad.. i think i haven had food poisoning in such a long time already. gosh..



on to a more pleasant topic

i had fun today!
You know just the simple act of greeting people in church and giving them the biggest smile can be very therapeutic indeed. Having had a very glum night before (or the past few months), i didnt have the effort in me to be .. cheerful? yes.. wasnt in my list.. no siree.

but indeed, just serving with my wonderful cell was so wonderful. Everyone was donned in turquoise (i would have worn my usual mourning black if there wasnt a dresscode) and all bright and cheery. I must say the girls looked exceptionally beautiful today in pretty dresses =)

Im beginning to really love my cell members. Its been some time that I've managed to feel so belonged and in a tight group in church. They are indeed wonderful people and very beautiful inside out. =) We had such a ball (shuttlecock) of a time playing badminton at Lindy's place at Tropicana.. haha .. was indeed fun picking up balls and just coaching and sharing tips on playing badminton! but it reminded me alot about you.



On the way back home, I asked, how did u make it through?
he said, Things will fade away and you've got to not take things so personally anymore.

thats right

i have no reason to anymore
its only going to eat me up and i might just end up in the toilet bowl.